Day of the Week: Sunday
Time: Too Damn Early. In reality, about 9:00 AM.
Ding! (This is my phone's way of being kind enough to inform me that I have a text message from a very good looking man).
NOTE: Excessive Use of Sarcasm!
Joe: I am all that is man.
Me: You're all that is man, huh?
Joe: Yeah, I just fixed a door.
Me: At work?
Joe: Yeah, it kept getting stuck and you couldn't open it. So, I fixed it.
Me: Well, congratulations sweetheart! That's pretty impressive!
Joe: I know. Bow to me.
Me: You should hang around here more often- stuff is always breaking!
Joe: I'm sure I could fix something with my tool.
Me: Joe, not what I was implying!
Joe: Sorry, it was just too easy.
Me: By the way, Mr. All That Is Man, the creepy neighbor hasn't bothered me since the night you and I hung out. I owe ya one.
Joe: Pleasure to be of assistance, lil' lady (in a western cowboy accent).
Me: Dork
Joe: I try...So, what are you up to?
Me: Working on the book, you?
Joe: Saving the world.
Me: Squishing bugs?
Joe: Negative, Call of Duty. I just stopped World War Three!
Me: Wow!
Joe: Well, it's true. Please, don't call me a hero- I'm just doing my job.
Me: Okay, Mr. All That Is Man.
Joe: You got that right.
Me: What exactly is “Call of Duty”?
Joe: HOLY FUCKING SHIT! You've never heard of “Call of Duty”?!?!?!
Me: No, I like to pretend that I have a social life.
Joe: It's a a first person shooter game. You know the ones that get blamed when whiny emo kids shoot up their schools.
Me: I mean, I've heard the name and know that it's some stupid game where you shoot shit.
Joe: Oh, yeah, that's pretty much it. You play a special forces operator. This game has made more people single handedly enlist in the Marines than any moto commercial.
Me: Is that what made you enlist in the Marines? Also, what does “moto” mean?
Joe: Motovated. And, no, when I was four, I saw the dude slaying the dragon.
Me: Joe that's not how you spell “motivated”...Also, what the fuck? Slaying the dragon?
Joe: He did this crazy obstacle course, pulled a sword out of this rock, and killed a dragon with it.
Me: What the fuck?
Joe: Go on Youtube and look up “Marine Corps Dragon Commercial”. It's the first one.
Me: Joe, what the fuck is this commercial?
Joe: You watch it?
Me: Yes. Epic Fail.
Joe: Shut your mouth. That commercial is awesome. I saw that when I was four and I was like “Holy shit! I wanna kill lava monsters!”
Me: Joe, you're so full of shit!
Joe: It's true.
Me: Moron.
Joe: Hey! Be nice!
Me: When am I nice?
Joe: Never
Me: Well, it's pretty damn apparent that my snark adds to my charm. Don't act like you don't find it incredibly sexy.
Joe: Don't worry, I won't.
Me: I'm heading out. Talk to you later.
Now, I am not trying to diss our nation's military. However, I saw that atrocious monstrosity of a commercial. It might be the worst commercial I've ever seen!
Time: Too Damn Early. In reality, about 9:00 AM.
Ding! (This is my phone's way of being kind enough to inform me that I have a text message from a very good looking man).
NOTE: Excessive Use of Sarcasm!
Joe: I am all that is man.
Me: You're all that is man, huh?
Joe: Yeah, I just fixed a door.
Me: At work?
Joe: Yeah, it kept getting stuck and you couldn't open it. So, I fixed it.
Me: Well, congratulations sweetheart! That's pretty impressive!
Joe: I know. Bow to me.
Me: You should hang around here more often- stuff is always breaking!
Joe: I'm sure I could fix something with my tool.
Me: Joe, not what I was implying!
Joe: Sorry, it was just too easy.
Me: By the way, Mr. All That Is Man, the creepy neighbor hasn't bothered me since the night you and I hung out. I owe ya one.
Joe: Pleasure to be of assistance, lil' lady (in a western cowboy accent).
Me: Dork
Joe: I try...So, what are you up to?
Me: Working on the book, you?
Joe: Saving the world.
Me: Squishing bugs?
Joe: Negative, Call of Duty. I just stopped World War Three!
Me: Wow!
Joe: Well, it's true. Please, don't call me a hero- I'm just doing my job.
Me: Okay, Mr. All That Is Man.
Joe: You got that right.
Me: What exactly is “Call of Duty”?
Joe: HOLY FUCKING SHIT! You've never heard of “Call of Duty”?!?!?!
Me: No, I like to pretend that I have a social life.
Joe: It's a a first person shooter game. You know the ones that get blamed when whiny emo kids shoot up their schools.
Me: I mean, I've heard the name and know that it's some stupid game where you shoot shit.
Joe: Oh, yeah, that's pretty much it. You play a special forces operator. This game has made more people single handedly enlist in the Marines than any moto commercial.
Me: Is that what made you enlist in the Marines? Also, what does “moto” mean?
Joe: Motovated. And, no, when I was four, I saw the dude slaying the dragon.
Me: Joe that's not how you spell “motivated”...Also, what the fuck? Slaying the dragon?
Joe: He did this crazy obstacle course, pulled a sword out of this rock, and killed a dragon with it.
Me: What the fuck?
Joe: Go on Youtube and look up “Marine Corps Dragon Commercial”. It's the first one.
Me: Joe, what the fuck is this commercial?
Joe: You watch it?
Me: Yes. Epic Fail.
Joe: Shut your mouth. That commercial is awesome. I saw that when I was four and I was like “Holy shit! I wanna kill lava monsters!”
Me: Joe, you're so full of shit!
Joe: It's true.
Me: Moron.
Joe: Hey! Be nice!
Me: When am I nice?
Joe: Never
Me: Well, it's pretty damn apparent that my snark adds to my charm. Don't act like you don't find it incredibly sexy.
Joe: Don't worry, I won't.
Me: I'm heading out. Talk to you later.
Now, I am not trying to diss our nation's military. However, I saw that atrocious monstrosity of a commercial. It might be the worst commercial I've ever seen!
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