So, one of the guys who I met online, Joe (mentioned previously), must have been pretty bored at work. I had just gotten back from class and I had this waiting for me in my phone's inbox:

• Joe: We should go back to Myspace so I can Twitter your Yahoo and Google all over your Facebook.
  
  
• Joe: Oh, come on! That was funny!
  
  

I guess he was trying to get me back for calling him a “Glow in The Dark Anal Tarantula” the other day... I don't know why but I always attract the most charmingly fascinating people. But, the creepy neighbors seem scared of him (always good, right?). Needless to say, here's the rest of the conversation that should be able to speak for itself :

• Me: Huh? Sorry, I just got your message.
  
  
• Joe: Funny, isn't it?
  
  
• Me: Very cute, babe.
  
  
• Joe: Why thank you.
  
  
• Me: That might be the worst pick up line I've ever heard. That might have to go in my book. I can only think of one pickup line that's worst.
  
  
• Joe: The worst or the best?
  
  
• Joe: Oh yeah.
  
  
• Me: Oh yeah, what? Figured it out?
  
  
• Me: That's worse than that one.
  
  
• Joe: What?
  
  
• Me: No comment.
  
  
• Joe: You suck.
  
  
• Me: This is true haha. What are you up to?
  
  
• Joe: Food!
  
  
• Me: That sounds exciting. Anyway, I'm gonna go do important, productive stuff. Talk to ya later, babe.
  
  
• Joe: Sweet, go make my line famous.
  
  
• Me: It won't be your first line in there.
  
  
• Joe: Hell yeah!
  
  
• Me: Whatever. Also, whenever you wanna execute this grand plan of “googling my yahoo” or whatever, feel free to let me know.
  
  
• Joe: Will do.
  
  
• Me: Also, guess what?
  
  
• Joe: What?
  
  
• Me: Mr. T is licking his crotch right now and it's the cutest thing ever.
  
  
• Joe: Weird.
  
  
• Me: I think that we both know that everything he does is adorable.
  
  
• Joe: If you say so.
  
  
• Me: You know I'm right. Anyway, gotta go be productive. Talk to ya later!
  
  

For the record, Mr. T is a chinchilla (aka a fat, jittery little ball of fluff who jumps around and holds staring contests). I have four pets: Kiwi (a rat that I'm fostering until December), Lucky (a turtle I rescued back in March), Mr. T (the chinchilla), and Gus (a guinea pig who is scared of everything but will cuddle endlessly). Well, Mr. T is the “star of the show”, so to speak, and has this funny, almost magical, quality when it comes to getting people to fall in love with him. Believe me when I say that literally everything he does is cute! Maybe I'm just a proud “mother”? Probably! But, even when he's bent over licking his crotch, it's the cutest thing ever. Now, I'm sure this wouldn't strike most people as “cute” but, Mr. T is a quirky little guy and there's actually a reason behind an action most people would consider mildly offensive: he has to take off hair rings that form around his male parts.

Now, I guess my question to the audience would be this: can you pick the bigger smart ass?